In 1982, Swedish tennis great, Mats Wilander, was competing in the French Open semi-finals when his opponent was ruled out, ending the match in Wilander’s favor. Wilander challenged the umpire and conceded the point to his rival. Play resumed and Wilander eventually won on his own terms, fair and square.

“Sportsmanship is openly under attack. On one hand, that’s disturbing and all of the signs seem to indicate that our culture generally is moving away from any notion of civil competition. On the other hand, these challenges force us to think about why sportsmanship is important. Why should we expect, teach and demand sportsmanship from our athletes?” asks Dr. Craig Clifford, associate professor of philosophy specializing in ethics and sportsmanship at Tarleton State University in Texas and co-author of Coaching for Character (available on Amazon.com).

According to Dr. Clifford, sportsmanship is a function of character and should be understood in terms of the moral virtues — courage, self-control, justice, and honesty.

“Any activity that involves standards of excellence gives children an opportunity to practice the moral virtues. Here’s the problem, though; sports handled properly give children a chance to practice virtue, and good character. Sports handled poorly give them a chance to practice the opposite. The habits they develop in these activities shape the person they will become.”

Giving children the tools to lose graciously is fundamental to the development of their character. It’s important to demonstrate to your kids that good sportsmanship and winning are not mutually exclusive.

“Not giving your best effort to win is just as disrespectful to opponents as taunting them when you’re beating them soundly. If an opponent beats you, but in the process brings out the best in you, you have something to be thankful for. Parents and coaches should explain that, talk about it, focus on it. Make it clear that integrity and good character really matter,” says Dr. Clifford.

Lessons in Good Sportsmanship:

For conscientious parents anxious to develop good character in their little sports, Dr. Clifford and his writing partner, Randy Feezil, make the following recommendations:

• Expect respect. Parents should expect their children to demonstrate respect for opponents, teammates, coaches and officials. The sandbox is a good place to start. Be a role model. Your attitudes and actions are important. Exhibit good behavior toward players, coaches and officials. Be conscious that your children are watching and listening.
• Reinforce good sportsmanship. Reward good conduct and enforce consequences for bad behavior.
• Encourage a wider perspective. Develop empathy in your child. Have them imagine what it would be like to walk in another’s shoes. Prompt self-reflection: “How would you feel if…?”
• Use the language of sportsmanship. Certain words resonate with the true spirit of the game: character, integrity, class, dignity, respect, sportsmanship, honor, humility. Don’t be afraid to use them if you expect your children to absorb the message.
• Discuss the two sides of sports. Refer to its playful and competitive aspects. Children should never lose sight that this is a game whose rewards come from its skillful execution rather than from external benefits.
• Look beyond the headlines. Discuss news stories, positive and negative, regarding sportsmanship. Try to influence the way they view, react to and think about what they see on TV.
• Ask them to evaluate their own athletic experiences—what was good, what was bad? Encourage them to think about how they and others behaved.
• Encourage personal responsibility. The winner-loser mentality is often expressed in whining and excuses on the one hand and boasting on the other. Encourage personal responsibility through a broad understanding of sports, including acceptance of circumstance outside your control.

“Help your child remember to play,” says Dr. Clifford. “Nurture the spirit of play. Remember, if it ain’t fun — it ain’t worth it.”